Wednesday, August 4, 2010

processing


Today marks 2 weeks since the miscarriage started. It did it's thing, it's over. Now it's strange to think that today I would be 14 weeks. In the blink of an eye life is back to how it was in April. It's hard to not think of these last 3 months as time lost, all for nothing. But they're not- our lives happened then too...they were just different.

My next door neighbor told me something her dr. had told her- "basically humans just aren't very good at reproducing"- Elizabeth's had 4 miscarriages.

I'm finding that to be more and more true as people have offered their sympathy. I never had a clue to the miscarriage world prior to this- my mom never had one, Jason's mom never had one, my aunt with SIX kids never had one...but now that our news has made it's way around SO many moms (and even a few fathers) have told me they lost their first and then one, two, three, and even four more in the midst of all their kiddos. At least 3 new people told me yesterday about their losses too.

I wonder why so many don't make it? After Googling, it's not really known why so many women miscarry (most within the first 12 weeks), pretty much because it's never investigated or a woman didn't even know she was pregnant. Just chalk it up to life happening and move on. That's what we've had to do. We will never know why our little babe didn't grow right and didn't get to enter this world.

I've had a tremendous amount of peace about it all. I cried deep and hard Thursday night 2 weeks ago, but that's it. Everyone keeps telling me how emotional it can be...but it just hasn't been terrible for me. I'm so grateful it hasn't.

I wonder how long it will take to get pregnant again- but as Jason always tells me- we aren't "trying", we'll just let it happen. I think that's easier for him to say, his body doesn't run on a cycle...time is just different for a man in that regard. I'm definitely nervous about being pregnant again. I just have to shut the "what ifs" off right as they begin. Only time will tell.

We both love the movie "Meet the Robinson's" (It's a Pixar film- we highly recommend it if you you haven't seen it!)- from it, we have a big quote in our living room: Keep Moving Forward. And that's exactly what we are doing.


(Photos from our family pics with Brenda last week- more to come!)

4 comments:

rach said...

it's so interesting to me to have come into your lives at such a transitional point. it really speaks to me about the character of both you and jason. so strong. so devoted. and so loving and appreciative of one another. we've spent very little time together, but i have been able to gather so much. you two are amazing people and when the time is right, you'll be wonderful parents.

Danielle said...

I've always said this about you Andrea but it's the truth, You are wise beyond your years. I am proud of you for how you have handled this unfortunate time. God has given you strength that many women dream and wish they had. With God's perfect timing, you will experience motherhood. And, I am sure, as sure as I've ever been, that you are going to be one A-M-A-Z-I-N-G mommy. Love you~

~Amy said...

Dear Andrea,

I know the pain of miscarriage also. Ours was after our first child. We then had two more after the miscarriage. We have all boys & often wonder if the one we lost was our little girl. One day I look forward to finding out all about him or her in Heaven, as I'm sure you do with yours. Many blessings & prayers to you.
~Amy

~Amy said...

Hi Andrea,
I also wanted to let you know that I have FINALLY posted part 2 of our house building story. I know it has been quite some time since I posted part 1. I plan to do better at posting more often.